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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25647355">if you're lost just look for me</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/we_are_the_same/pseuds/we_are_the_same'>we_are_the_same</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>One Direction (Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Anxiety, College, Drama Student Louis Tomlinson, LGBT group, M/M, Motivational quotes, No Angst, No Smut, POV Louis Tomlinson, Sociology Student Harry Styles, Strangers to Lovers, Stress, Wordcount: 5.000-10.000, Wordplay Fic Challenge (One Direction), but only mild</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-08-01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-08-01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 12:27:15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>9,162</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25647355</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/we_are_the_same/pseuds/we_are_the_same</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p><em>Let your dreams set sail</em>.</p><p>Louis blinks at the sticky note, sitting casually in between a flyer advertising an upcoming gig for one of the many bands on campus (the heavy metal graphics implying that the music is not to Louis’ taste) and an ad for a yoga club (Louis is going to have to give that one a miss too). It’s small, barely noticeable unless you’re paying attention, just tucked away as though it’s been left there for Louis to find.</p><p>He snorts. “Let your dreams set sail. What a fucking joke.”</p><p>*</p><p>Louis' first year of college is everything he had hoped for it to be. </p><p>It’s why it’s so hard to swallow that his second year is everything but.</p><p>*</p><p>A fic where motivational quotes, no matter how cheesy, might just make everything better after all.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson, Minor or Background Relationship(s)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>34</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>108</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>Prompt 5.4: Board</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>if you're lost just look for me</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">
      <li>For <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/LadyLondonderry/gifts">LadyLondonderry</a>.</li>



    </ul><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This fic is belatedly written for the wonderful <a href="https://londonfoginacup.tumblr.com/">Emmu</a> for her birthday. I hope you're as excited after reading it as you were when I pitched you the idea! I love you very much, and I'm so glad that we're friends.</p><p>With this, the 2020 Wordplay comes to an end. When I started this I didn't expect to be able to write for all 5 weeks, let alone finish up with over 50k written. I am so proud of myself, and I am so grateful for the wonderful <a href="https://lululawrence.tumblr.com/">Sus</a> for hosting this fest! I am already excited for next year! </p><p>This is part of a Wordplay prompt challenge for the prompt "board". To read the amazing fics that were written by the others on this prompt, <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/collections/board">click here</a>, and to see all fics written as part of the challenge (including years 1-3), <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/collections/wordplay_fic_challenge/works">click here</a>. You can also find the masterpost for this year’s challenge <a href="https://wordplayfics.tumblr.com/post/622306139518926848/wordplay-2020-every-week-for-five-weeks-a-prompt">here</a>.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Louis had been so excited for college. He’d been so ready to be a grown up, to move out of his mum’s house and have a place all to himself.</p><p>Well, with a roommate, but still. He’d have his own space, the chance to really branch out and discover himself as more than just the labels that have clung to him since school. He wouldn’t be just a big brother anymore, not the class clown or the one who excels in drama but could do much better in everything else. He’d be more than just Stan’s best friend or Hannah’s ex boyfriend.</p><p>The possibilities were endless.</p><p>*</p><p>And for the first year, that’s true. He learns that once the subject is actually something that interests him, he can excel academically. He finds that he doesn’t feel the need for constant attention or validation, and he ends up making friends that he can just <em>be</em> with. </p><p>There’s Zayn, and most of the time, they don’t even talk. They just hang out, both doing their own thing, and it’s effortless, and cool, and a completely different kind of friendship than he’s used to. </p><p>There’s Niall, who is the funniest guy on the damn planet as far as Louis is concerned, and together they play the occasional game of footie, whether on the actual pitch or in FIFA, or simply chill out with a movie and some food.</p><p>There’s Liam, who is quieter and who doesn’t seem to like Louis very much at the start, but after a couple of months they’ve become friends too, and whenever Louis needs a study buddy he knows he can always rely on Liam.</p><p>His first year of college is everything he had hoped for it to be. </p><p>It’s why it’s so hard to swallow that his second year is everything but. </p><p>*</p><p>It’s not like it’s anyone’s fault, really. Louis certainly doesn’t blame Liam or Zayn, who have started dating and who are still in that stage where they don’t really have room for anyone else. It’s not the greatest thing in the world, but Louis knows that if he were to call them up they’d always make time for him.</p><p>Maybe it’s his own fault, then, for not picking up the phone. For not sending that text that says <em>hey, I’m a bit lonely, do you think we could hang out soon?</em></p><p>But it’s more than that. It’s that his second year is crammed, his classes so much more intense than last year, to the point where he’d been studying even during Christmas break. </p><p>It’s left him with some serious melancholy and regret, once he’d come back to school, because now on top of his classes and his lack of a social life he feels like smacking himself for not valuing the time he’d spent at home. </p><p>Add to that that his roommate this year is just not the type of person that Louis would voluntarily interact with, and he’s just not in a great place. </p><p>His mum picks up on it, because of course she does. She’s been his best friend from the moment he was born, and even when he tries to hide things from her, not wanting to upset her or make her worry, she only has to hear his voice or see his face to know that something’s going on.</p><p>“I’m just a bit lonely mum,” he tells her, and her solution is immediate and practical. Join a club. Find something to do. A place to make new friends.</p><p>It makes sense. He’d met Zayn and Liam that way, after all. But when they hadn’t rejoined the club in his Sophomore year, Louis hadn’t either. </p><p>He’s not sure he has the time for something, but at the same time, it might be nice. If nothing else, it’ll be a good distraction from the stress he can feel and the homework that’s piling up.</p><p>So he promises her he’ll look into it, and when the amount of books on his desk gets to the point where it’s actually daunting (where he has nightmares about drowning in homework - literally - and being laughed at as his teachers mock his essays) he closes the door on them, and heads over to the campus bulletin board.</p><p>It’s always colourful, covered in flyers that advertise gigs, clubs, and things for sale. Louis hasn’t given it more than a cursory glance since his first week of Freshman year, but he takes his time for it now, scanning every bit of the surface to see if something pops out at him.</p><p><em>Let your dreams set sail</em>. </p><p>Louis blinks at the sticky note, sitting casually in between a flyer advertising an upcoming gig for one of the many bands on campus (the heavy metal graphics implying that the music is not to Louis’ taste) and an ad for a yoga club (Louis is going to have to give that one a miss too). It’s small, barely noticeable unless you’re paying attention, just tucked away as though it’s been left there for Louis to find.</p><p>He snorts. “Let your dreams set sail. What a fucking joke.”</p><p>It’s to himself more than anything, and he doesn’t realize that he’s been overheard until a voice speaks up from right behind him. “Don’t like the sentiment?” It’s deep, and rich, and Louis turns around to the owner of the voice, only to blink at him instead.</p><p>He is <em>beautiful</em>. Chocolate curls and intrigued green eyes, and Louis doesn’t have a brain to mouth filter at the best of times, let alone when he’s presented with very attractive boys.</p><p>(That first year of college? Yeah, that’d been enlightening in more ways than one)</p><p>“I mean, it’s a bit cheesy, innit?” He finds himself saying. “Like, this kind of inspirational crap is just bullshit, if you ask me, because how am I supposed to let my dreams set sail when I’m arse deep in homework and I don’t even know what I want to do with my life? It’s not like I have the luxury of finding out, with the prospect of crippling student debt.” </p><p>The boy hums. “I guess. The sentiment’s nice though. We should all try and dream a little bit more.”</p><p>Louis sort of agrees with him. But he also sort of feels like being contrary, for no other reason than that the note’s somewhat ticked him off and only served to remind him of how he’s not in a good place in his life right now. “Well,” he says, and he continues before he can run out of steam or get distracted by how absolutely stunning the boy in front of him is. “<em>Some of us</em> have homework.”</p><p>He makes it all the way back to his room before he can regret his words. Stormed off in ‘rightful’ indignation, it takes a moment for him to notice the unsettled feeling in his stomach.</p><p>Great. Now, on top of feeling overwhelmed by school and his emotions, he also feels like a complete asshole for being so shitty to a cute guy.</p><p>*</p><p>The thing is. The quote sort of sticks with him. Like a fly attracted to honey, the quote buzzes around in his head, popping up whenever his brain isn’t distracted by homework. </p><p>
  <em>Let your dreams set sail. </em>
</p><p>What <em>are</em> his dreams? Outside of graduating college, what does he want out of life? And is he making steps towards it? Or is he just waiting for his life to start, for a moment to breathe and relax. Is he doing the thing that people do, work for retirement without knowing whether they’d have time to enjoy life after? </p><p>He sort of is, is the thing. He isn’t really enjoying college, but every time that thought pops up he tells himself that he just needs to buckle down, get his head back in the game. That there’s going to be plenty of time to enjoy himself once he’s got his degree.</p><p>And it’s not like that isn’t true. But at the same time, is he going to regret missing out on his college life? The way he’d regretted missing out on Christmas break with his family? </p><p>There’s some things in life that you can only do once, and Louis doesn’t want to live a life of regret. He doesn’t want to be deep in student debt and find that the degree was the only thing he’d gotten out of four years’ of college.</p><p>*</p><p>He is back at the bulletin board the next day, because of course the little sticky note had thrown him off enough that he hadn’t really taken in any of the clubs and courses being offered. It’s time for a change. Time to discover some new part of himself. Maybe he <em>would</em> like yoga, if he tried.</p><p>..Probably not.</p><p>He’s debating between a table tennis club (could be cool) and the college’s LGBT group H.E.R.O. (Helping to Educate Regarding Orientation) when his eyes fall onto another sticky note, tucked away between two bigger flyers.</p><p>
  <em>Give this world good energy</em>
</p><p>He’s reminded of the note yesterday, and how he’d scoffed at it, offending some poor innocent bystander in the process, and he can’t help but feel a little ashamed of himself. The note is right, the world could do with a bit more positivity. </p><p>Never let it be said that Louis Tomlinson is not up for a challenge.</p><p>*</p><p>The LGBT group on campus is meeting every Wednesday at 7 p.m., and after Louis has fixed himself a quick dinner - towards the end of the month it’s ramen noodles more often than not, but this time he’d splurged on some strawberries for dessert - he heads off towards their meeting spot, one of the rooms in the art building. He’s not made his mind up one way or another, but he figures he can check out some of the clubs that appeal to him, and see if something sparks his interest.</p><p>Even though he’s always come across as confident he still feels a little awkward, heading into the room and finding no less than seven pairs of eyes trained on him. He comes to a stop, pretty much in the doorway, and glances around at a whole group of unfamiliar faces. </p><p>“Uh. Hi.” It’s quiet, and he only barely resists the urge to fidget with his jumper. “Is this the LGBT meetup? I saw the flyer.” </p><p>A girl with the most awesome purple hair (and shaved sides) grins at him, gestures for him to come in. “Hey. Welcome. Yeah it is. We’re just setting up, we’re waiting on a couple more people. I’m Harley. This is Aiden, Dean, Alyx-” she goes around introducing everyone, and Louis is relieved to find that his little nods hello are met with answering smiles. “And that’s Harry.” She points towards a boy in the back, who hadn’t looked up as Louis had come in, his back turned towards the group though he waves a quick hello. “Harry’s busy finishing up the press release for next month’s charity event. Don’t mind him.”</p><p>Louis nods, sits down in one of the seats, lowering his bag onto the floor. “Charity event?”</p><p>Harley nods. “We’re hosting a sort of end of term event, where we try to raise money for local LGBT groups. We’ve got a location and catering sorted, tonight we’re looking into ideas for the main entertainment, so we can start listing prices.”</p><p>Louis smiles at that, is about to say something when Harry turns around, and his eyes widen a little. “You,” Harry says, and Louis finds himself blushing.</p><p>“Me. Hi.”</p><p>Harry gives him a considering look. “Finished your homework then?” He says, but something about the way he says it, the slight tug upwards of his lip, feels like an olive branch. One that Louis is glad to take. </p><p>“I mean, are we ever truly finished with homework,” he shrugs a shoulder. “The moment I’m done, the Profs are happy to remedy that situation. But, I had some free time. Figured I might as well fill it up with something that actually gives me joy.” </p><p>Harry nods, purses his lips but doesn’t say anything else. He just turns back towards his notebook, pressing save on the manuscript before closing it. “I’ve put it on the drive for you all,” he says, before taking his bag and plopping himself in the seat right next to Louis. “If you’re joining us, let me know. I’m the secretary, so I’ll be taking down your info and making sure you have access to the WhatsApp group and the Google Drive.”</p><p>Louis is a little surprised that Harry’s chosen to sit next to him, but he’s not complaining. Harry looks as beautiful as he’d done the day before, and now that Louis isn’t in a complete strop he can appreciate it even more. “Thanks,” he says after a moment, because he’s not quite sure what else to say. “Do you do this a lot? Events? I’m not really sure what it is that you do.” He confesses.</p><p>Harry’s about to answer when Harley takes a seat to Louis’ other side. “A bunch of everything, really,” she says. “We obviously have our meetings where we just talk, about things that have happened or struggles that we’re facing. We do visibility events, make sure that people know that we exist and that there’s a safe place for them on campus. We attend conferences, work with other minority groups, do these charity events. But we also just hang out, do movie nights and cook together. Some of us have a place together off campus, so that’s usually where we meet up on nights like that.” She smiles. “I’m the president of the club. Harry, as he said, is our secretary. And then Mill, who is perpetually late, is our treasurer.” </p><p>Louis can’t help but feel impressed by the structured organisation of this club. He also can’t help but feel excited, and it’s only in part due to the fact that this sounds exactly like what he’d been looking for. </p><p>It’s also definitely due to Harry, who is sat at his left, smiling whenever Louis meets his eyes. </p><p>“So, um, I know this is an LGBT group,” he starts, and he knows he’s probably not being entirely subtle, but he can’t help himself, is too curious to know and too much of a coward to ask anyone outright. “But are there like, straight people allowed in here?”</p><p>“Oh definitely,” Harry tells him, as Harley gets up from her seat to welcome a few others to the room. Louis’ heart sinks for a moment. “I mean, we aim to spread visibility, and educate people. <em>Against</em> prejudice and exclusion. So it’d kind of be counterproductive if we excluded straight people from the narrative. Anyone’s welcome here, as long as they’re open minded and learn not to speak over people whose experiences are different than their own.”</p><p>It’s nice to know. It’s just not exactly what Louis was asking for, but he doesn’t think he should press the issue, in case Harry isn’t comfortable sharing his sexuality with the stranger who had been less than pleasant to him yesterday. Louis wonders briefly if he should apologize, but again he’s cut off from his train of thought when Harley closes the door, claps her hands. </p><p>“Welcome, everyone, to tonight’s meeting. We’ve got two new people here today, so I’d like to go around the room and have everyone introduce themselves.” She smiles, gestures towards herself. “I’m Harley. I’m a Junior, my major is Mathematics. I identify as aromantic and lesbian. My pronouns are she/her, and I love skateboarding.”</p><p>From the way that everyone else introduces themselves, this is something they’ve done quite a few times before, and Louis feels his heart swell. Hearing everyone, the way they so casually describe themselves, claiming their identity and feeling pride in it, it feels like a warm bath. </p><p>There’s a great mix of people too. Almost every identity that Louis had learned about in the past couple of years is mentioned, and Louis finds himself smiling at every new person who introduces themselves. There’s Alyx, who is a genderfluid lesbian. Dean, who is pansexual. Aiden, who is a trans man, and when the group applauds at that, Louis looks at Harry with a confused sort of expression. </p><p>“He’s been unsure of his identity for a while,” Harry whispers. “For a long time he identified as nonbinary, but recently he’s told us that he’s not sure if he’s not trans instead. He already went by he/him pronouns for a while, but this is the first time he’s stated that he’s transgender.” He looks so proud, and Louis feels his heart warm even more.</p><p>He listens as Mill introduces themselves as a nonbinary panromantic pansexual, chuckles when they joke about being the true embodiment of indecisiveness. It’s a joke that coming from anyone else would probably be offensive, but in this room, in this crowd, it feels like every identity is accepted and celebrated. </p><p>Louis can’t help but look forward to the way Harry introduces himself though. So far, only one of the people in the room identifies as straight, and he finds himself wanting to cross his fingers, even if he hasn’t fully acknowledged why that is. </p><p>Finally, after the new girl has introduced herself as Mia, an aroace sophomore with a major in educational sciences, it’s Harry’s turn. Louis pretends not to hold his breath, glad for the excuse to look at Harry, who really is far too pretty for his own good.</p><p>“I’m Harry,” Harry starts, and God, Louis loves his voice. He usually can’t stand people who speak slowly, but in Harry’s case it doesn’t get on his nerves the way it usually would. “I’m a Freshman. My major is Sociology. My pronouns are he/him, and I identify as panromantic homosexual.” It might just be Louis’ imagination, but Louis feels as though Harry’s glancing at him from the corner of his eye. “It means that I can be romantically attracted to anyone, but I’m only sexually attracted to men.” He clarifies, and Louis finds his heart tremble a little bit even before it fully sinks in that there might be a chance.</p><p>He’s up next, and suddenly it’s not just Harry looking at him, it’s everyone. For as much as Louis enjoys being in the spotlight, he still feels nervous, takes a deep breath so that he doesn’t stumble over his words. “Um. Hi. I’m Louis. I’m a Sophomore. My major is Drama and Education studies. I always wanted to be a drama teacher, but I’m not sure yet if I won’t go into something else.” He rubs his hands on his jeans. “I’m new to this, but, I did the typical figuring yourself out in college kind of thing. At the moment I identify just as gay, but, after hearing all of you, who knows.” He jokes, hoping that they’ll understand he’s not making fun of any of them. “I uh, still have a lot to learn, I can tell. So. Yeah. Happy to be here.” He finishes, feeling like he’s made an absolute fool of himself until he catches Harry smiling at him. </p><p>It might just be wishful thinking, but it almost looks as though Harry’s pleased.</p><p>*</p><p>The next morning, Louis is late for class, but despite that, he finds himself making a slight detour on his way to the building, to pass by the bulletin board. He knows it might just be wishful thinking but he has a feeling that there might be a new note, and his instinct proves him right when he finds the little pink sticky note tucked away, always so hidden that it feels like a present to find it.</p><p>
  <em>It takes only one person to change your life: you</em>
</p><p>He thinks of yesterday. Of putting himself out there and joining a new club. He smiles.</p><p>*</p><p>On Friday morning, he finds another note.</p><p>
  <em>Nature does not hurry, yet everything is accomplished</em>
</p><p>For some reason, reading those words calms his heart, eases some of the pressure on his chest that he’d woken up with this morning. </p><p>He’s not sure why he does it, why he reaches out and takes the note, but all day long, whenever he feels stressed or like he’s running behind, he thinks of the note in his pocket, and things feel just a little bit easier.</p><p>*</p><p>He gets in the habit of taking notes. Not all of them. Some he leaves, not because they don’t resonate with him, but because he thinks they might resonate more with someone else. But some he takes, on days that are especially tough.</p><p>A week after he’d found the first note, after a particularly stressful day that has had him near tears for what feels like hours, he finds <em>after all, tomorrow is another day</em>, and even though he has no idea who is writing these notes, it feels like this one has been put there especially for him, and he can’t help it, has to take the note back to his dorm room.</p><p>He keeps them safe, in a journal, someplace his roommate won’t look, because the last thing Louis needs is for someone to make fun of something that’s been so helpful. He gets it now, what Harry had said, that first time that they’d met.</p><p>Harry. He’s so glad that he’s forgiven him for his absolutely terrible behaviour. Even though they’ve only met twice - three if you count the first disastrous encounter - he’s been such a positive presence in Louis’ life. His enthusiasm for the LGBT group they’re now both a part of (because how could Louis choose not to join when this is a cause near to his heart <em>and</em> Harry is the secretary of the club?) is infectious, and Louis finds that even though his life is now even more busy than before, he gets up with a renewed energy in the morning. </p><p>*</p><p>Their friendship grows as his collection of notes grows. Every morning now, Louis goes to the bulletin board, and some mornings he finds the same note that had been posted yesterday, but some mornings there is a new one waiting for him. Never in the same place, and never prominently displayed, but Louis never gives up until he’s found whatever inspirational quote a complete stranger has decided to bless him with today.</p><p>He goes back after his classes if there’s been no new note in the morning, and the quotes become something that he reminds himself of on days where it feels like his entire life is just a little bit tougher than he can handle.</p><p>When he gets overwhelmed by the upcoming exams, he finds <em>believe in yourself</em>, and even though it’s nothing he hasn’t heard before, the note still brings a lump to his throat. It’s not the pretty calligraphy, or the doodled lines around it, but just the knowledge that someone is out there, reaching out without knowing if someone is reaching back. Knowing that someone else might be feeling the same way he does, but chooses to spread kindness, to take the time to support others when they might be in need of support too - Louis feels less alone, seeing those notes.</p><p>He does feel bad, occasionally, about taking them. Because there might be other people that need them too. And he does try telling himself that, tries to convince himself that he doesn’t need the physical reminder of the notes in his pocket or carefully tucked away in his journal. </p><p>But then he sees things like <em>think less, be more</em> and <em>the best way to get something done is to begin</em> and it feels like these notes are personal. Like they’ve been literally written <em>for</em> him, and he just can’t stop himself.</p><p>*</p><p>There’s a party at Harley’s house, to celebrate the end of exams. It’s just something chill, people getting together, eating pizza, having a couple of beers. Maybe some karaoke. They’re still setting things up for the charity event next week, but most of everything is done, and it’s only a few details that still need sorting out. </p><p>Today’s note read <em>take the risk or lose the chance</em> and Louis has been thinking about it all day. Because there is something he’d like to do, but he’s not sure if he has the guts to just go up to Harry and ask him if he’s interested in having coffee sometime. They’ve seen each other in meetings, but even though Louis has a feeling that they’ve been bordering on flirting with each other he’s not actually sure if he’s not making it up in his head. Because one moment he is sure that Harry’s interested in him and then the next Harry’s chatting to someone else, looking exactly as happy and animated as he always is when he talks to Louis. So it might just be his general attitude, and Louis doesn’t want to risk making things awkward.</p><p>Because he genuinely <em>likes</em> Harry. Not just as someone he could see himself falling in love with, but as a friend. As someone that he would like to spend time with, just hanging out. So maybe he shouldn’t ask him for coffee in any kind of date way. Maybe he should just offer to do something sometime, as friends. </p><p>But then, if he does that, maybe Harry will think that he <em>isn’t</em> interested and - it’s just complicated. He wishes he could ask Zayn or Liam for advice, but they haven’t met Harry, and Louis finds himself completely incapable of explaining him. He’s someone to be experienced, not talked about.</p><p>So he doesn’t know what to do, and even when he shows up at the house, he has no clue as to whether or not he should take a risk and put himself out there, or if he should simply be content with what he has. </p><p>Maybe a couple of beers will help.</p><p>*</p><p>A couple of beers never really help, but then, Louis finds himself on the couch with Harry leaning against him, his head pillowed on his shoulder and his curls tickling Louis’ neck, so they’ve also not really made things worse, for once. </p><p>He’s content, sitting here, Harry a warm weight against his body, watching as Alyx absolutely slays an Adele song, the rest of the group giving her a well deserved applause when she finishes. She gestures towards the crowd with her microphone, asking who wants to go next, and it takes Louis a moment to realize that pretty much everyone is staring at him.</p><p>“Oh,” he breathes out. “No, no that’s alright. Really. I wouldn’t do that to you.”</p><p>It’s not even that he hates his voice. Or that he’s never sung in front of people before. He used to do drama in school after all, and he’s had to do it in college a couple of times too. But even though some people love his voice there are still plenty of them that criticize him, that tell him everything he’s doing wrong. This is a safe place. He’d like it to stay that way. The last thing he wants is for some of these people, that he genuinely really likes, to say something negative that he’ll have no choice but to laugh off and secretly carry with him. </p><p>But just as he thinks he’s off the hook, Harry shifts a little, not away but even closer, his lips practically brushing the shell of Louis’ ear when he whispers “C’mon Lou. You can do it.” and something about it reminds him of the note that’s still in his pocket, today’s reminder to be a little braver. </p><p>He wants to be brave. Not just for Harry, but for himself. </p><p>So he says “Alright,” and pretends not to mourn the loss of Harry’s body warmth against his skin as he gets up from the couch, pretends not to notice the way Harley looks at Harry and then at him because there’s too much to unpack there, and focuses instead on the song he wants to sing.</p><p>It feels a little too honest, a little too vulnerable, and Louis can’t make himself look at Harry as he sings because that will definitely give everything away, but he stands there in front of a group of people that he’s pretty sure he can consider his friends, as he sings <em>Look After You</em> by the Fray, and he’s pretty sure that he’s happy.</p><p>*</p><p>“I love your voice,” Harry tells him, as he’s walking him to his dorm. They both live near each other, though not in the same building, so Louis had jumped at the chance to be inconspicuous but still spend a little more time with Harry. It’s cold out, and he watches Harry shiver, the wide trousers and knitted crop top not enough to keep him warm even with his jacket over it. Louis can only admire his dedication to fashion, the way he holds himself with all the confidence in the world. He wishes he had Harry’s confidence, sometimes. How is it that Harry, as a freshman, seems to have figured himself out more than Louis has? </p><p>“Thanks.” He says, and for a moment he doesn’t know what else to say, but then he watches Harry hunch his shoulders a bit more, to protect himself from the cold, and it’s so easy to take off his scarf, stop Harry with a gentle hand on his forearm. “Here,” he says softly, wrapping the scarf around Harry’s neck and tucking the ends into his coat. Harry looks as though he’s about to protest for a moment, but then his shoulders drop and he snuggles into the scarf, pressing his nose into it as though he’s inhaling Louis’ scent.</p><p>(He’s probably just getting cozy, and sheltering his poor, cold nose.)</p><p>“Thank you,” Harry murmurs, lifting his head just enough to give Louis a sweet smile. “I’m really glad we met, you know,” he starts walking again as he says it, and Louis follows automatically, the cold no match for the warmth in his stomach that those words bring up. </p><p>He nods, sticks his hands in his pockets. “Me too.” He wonders, for a moment, if he should bring up their first meeting, should explain and apologize for the terrible mood he’d been in. But this moment is so sweet, so fragile in a way, that he doesn’t want to ruin it.</p><p>So instead they walk side by side, in silence that feels comfortable as anything, Harry occasionally bumping his shoulder against Louis’ as they walk. They’re boys, both a little tipsy, and they end up lightly shoving at each other, giggling as they make their way across campus. It feels like a moment that’s filled with potential, but by the time they’ve arrived at Harry’s dorm Louis can tell that he’s barely awake, his eyes drooping and this dopey little smile on his face. So instead of saying something he just bumps their shoulders together one last time, laughing softly when Harry’s fatigue nearly causes him to lose his balance. His hand reaches out automatically to steady him, landing somewhere on Harry’s waist, and the knowledge that he’d be able to touch his skin if it weren’t for the jacket makes him feel all flustered for a moment. “Tonight was fun,” he says softly, and Harry gives him a lazy nod.</p><p>“Thanks for walking me home, Lou.” Harry reaches out, wraps Louis up in a light hug, one that Louis doesn’t quite get to savour as much as he wants to, but that’s still an absolute overload of sensation. The way his hair tickles against his cheek. The way Harry almost burrows his face into Louis’ neck, how strong and gentle his arms are. </p><p>“My pleasure,” Louis manages, only tripping over his words once, his body immediately mourning the loss of Harry’s embrace when he pulls back to give him another dopey looking smile. “Get some sleep. I’ll see you next Wednesday in group, yeah?” He resists the urge to ask for another hug, or simply bury himself in Harry’s arms again. </p><p>Instead he buries himself in the scarf when Harry gives it back to him, tucks it around his neck with such loving care that Louis is almost dizzy with it. It might just be his imagination, but he swears he can smell a hint of Harry’s cologne, having permeated the fabric even on their short walk. It feels cozy and warm and Louis thinks he might be just a little bit in love.</p><p>*</p><p>On Sunday, when Louis takes advantage of the nice weather (the sun’s out, and even though it’s still bitterly cold, it looks too good to stay inside, especially with the paper he has yet to finish) to go for a walk, the lime green sticky note on the bulletin board says <em>seek what sets your soul on fire. </em></p><p>Louis thinks of Harry, and how sweet he’d looked last night. How good it had felt to be in his arms, but also, how amazing it had felt to be the center of his attention. </p><p>He texts Zayn. Asks him <em>how did you know that your feelings for Liam were strong enough to risk your friendship?</em></p><p>*</p><p>With exams done and only one paper to finish up, Louis really shouldn’t be so stressed. But it’s like the nerves that have been left over from all his crazy cramming sessions last week have carried over to this week, making him worry about even more things than usual.</p><p>He worries that his paper isn’t going to be good enough, that he can’t do justice to the concepts and thoughts in his head.</p><p>He worries that he’s flunked his exams.</p><p>He worries that the charity event next weekend is going to end up being a dud, and that it’ll be his fault because he’s the one that came up with the idea for the entertainment. Never mind that everyone was on board. The idea of letting everyone down weighs heavily on his shoulders.</p><p>Last, but certainly not least, he worries about Harry. About disappointing him and having it change the way Harry looks at him. About never again having any of those sweet moments like they’d had on the way back from the party. </p><p>His nails are bitten short, to the point that they’re almost bleeding, and even the notes he’s collected in his journal aren’t enough to stave off the impending panic that he can feel clawing its way up his throat. He needs something more. Something new, that’ll give him that same feeling of being heard, of not being alone.</p><p>He barely notices his surroundings as he heads over to the bulletin board, eyes frantically searching the page, hoping to find that lifeline, that something that’ll ease the pressure in his chest.</p><p><em>Your future self is proud of you</em>.</p><p>Today’s sticky note is a bright blue, and Louis reaches out for it, traces the words on the paper, instinct taking over and making him grab the small piece of paper, the feeling of relief so strong and instant that he needs a moment to blink away the tears in his eyes.</p><p>The “Hey!” that’s called out is harsh, and jarring, and Louis literally jumps, whirls around with an annoyed expression, because he does not need any added stress right now.</p><p>The moment he sees that it’s Harry, his face slides into a smile, though it fades at the expression on Harry’s face. It’s stormy, and, hurt? Louis blinks. </p><p>“Harry?”</p><p>There’s nothing of that fondness that he’s used to associating with Harry on his face, and Louis is confused, wonders what he’s done wrong that’s made Harry so cross with him. </p><p>Luckily, he doesn’t have to wait long to find out.</p><p>“I knew that you thought those notes were stupid, but, that doesn’t give you the right to just throw them away.” Harry tells him, and something about the quiet tone in which he says it is more painful than if he’d yelled at him. “Just because you don’t like them and think them childish or cheesy, or, what was it you said? Oh, yeah, a <em>fucking joke</em>. Well they’re not a joke to other people, Louis! Some people actually like reading these notes.”</p><p>Louis opens his mouth, but it’s clear that Harry’s not done yet.</p><p>“I’ve put my heart and soul into these! Do you know how much it hurt when I saw that they were disappearing? How could you do this to me?”</p><p>It sounds so hurt, so betrayed, and Louis takes a tentative step forwards, hates that Harry’s immediate response is to take a step back. “Harry,” he tries, but it’s clear, from the closed off expression on Harry’s face, that it’s not going to be easy to get through to him. He swallows. Acts fast, reaching out and grabbing onto Harry’s wrist before he can back up any further. “Come with me.” It sounds stern, but pleading at the same time, and he’s not sure which of the two manages to convince Harry, but he lets Louis drag him across campus, all the way to his dorm.</p><p>Harry doesn’t speak, and Louis is grateful for it, because his head’s already loud enough, all his fear and stress on high alert after getting yelled at by the boy he’s pretty sure he’s in love with. God, he didn’t think he would ruin their friendship before even asking him out. </p><p>Once they’re in his room - his roommate thankfully out for the moment - Louis loses a bit of steam, stands there in the middle of the room, watching Harry who is hovering near the door. “Harry,” he tries again, and he hates how his voice is shaking, how Harry still regards him with distrust. “I’m so sorry that I hurt you.” He starts, because that’s the main thing. Before he can explain anything to him, he first has to apologize, take responsibility for the pain he’d caused him even if he hadn’t meant to. </p><p>“You dragged me all this way here to tell me that?” Harry doesn’t sound impressed, and Louis can’t really blame him.</p><p>He shakes his head, opens the drawer on his desk and takes out his journal, holding it out to Harry. “No. I dragged you here to show you this.”</p><p>Harry gives him a quizzical look, and for a moment Louis worries that he won’t take the journal, but then curiosity must win out, because he reaches for it, takes it out of Louis’ hand. The weight of the book disappearing from his hand makes him feel like it’s added to his stomach somehow, because he knows, what’s in there. </p><p>He knows it’s not just the notes. It’s also his thoughts, his feelings about the notes, about the days he’d had and how they’d helped. Depending on how far Harry gets into the book, it’s also things about Harry. His thoughts and feelings and fears, Louis’ deepest insecurities, are all in Harry’s hands now. </p><p>He trusts him with it, that’s not the problem. He knows Harry would never betray his trust and tell anyone about what he’d seen. </p><p>It’s just .. it’s going to change things. And Louis isn’t sure he’s ready, but he also knows that he has no choice. That salvaging whatever he can with Harry is worth it.</p><p>Harry frowns, and Louis sits down on his bed, wishing that he could look away from him, but at the same time feeling so desperate for any kind of clue on what Harry’s thinking. </p><p>“They’ve been the highlight of my day,” Louis says quietly, as Harry flips through page after page. “I didn’t start out taking them. But sometimes, when I had a really bad day, it felt like they were written just for me. And I know that’s not true. I know I still shouldn’t have, you’re right. It was selfish of me, to not think of the other people that might need them just as much as I did.” He swallows. “But Harry, I need you to know, these notes - they meant everything to me. I was wrong, when I first met you. They aren’t cheesy, or stupid. They’re not a fucking joke. They’re a <em>lifeline</em>.”</p><p>Harry frowns deeper, closing the book. From where Louis is sitting it’s clear that he hasn’t flipped through all the pages, so the frown on his face is probably not because of what Louis had written down about him. Still, Louis doesn’t really feel very optimistic about the conversation that he knows they’re about to have. The pressure in his chest only eases marginally when Harry chooses to sit down next to him on the bed. </p><p>“I wish you’d told me,” he says quietly, and that’s not what Louis expected to hear. It must show on his face, because the corner of Harry’s mouth tugs up in a half smile. “I know that’s a lot to ask for, considering the short amount of time we’ve known each other, but. I don’t know. It’s upsetting, knowing that you were going through so much, and you were feeling alone.”</p><p>Louis nods. “I was,” he says just as quietly. “But, H, then I wasn’t. Once I found those notes. I felt like… like someone understood.”</p><p>“I suppose I’m glad for that.” It sounds pensive. “I still don’t like that you took them. Because other people might have needed them too. But I guess I understand. And I’m glad. That they meant something to you. That those little notes helped a little bit.”</p><p>“More than a little bit. I went to check the bulletin board first thing in the morning, most days.” He looks at Harry. “You get up early. Even on days I had an 8 A.M. class I’d usually find a new note.” </p><p>Harry smiles a bit. “I like to go for a run in the morning. It clears my head. Helps with the stress and pressure of college.” He turns a bit more towards Louis. “Those notes, they’re things I try and tell myself. When I feel like everything’s overwhelming me, I think, what would I like to hear right now? And then I write it down.”</p><p>Louis looks at him. “I’m really sorry I took the notes, Harry.”</p><p>Harry’s smile is a bit softer now. “I’m sorry I thought you were an asshole. It just really hurt, knowing that you threw them out. I kind of felt like, I don’t know. You were discarding a part of me.”</p><p>“I’d never.” Louis whispers. “I didn’t know it was you.” He bites his lip. “I’d hoped it was though.” Not because he wanted Harry to understand the stress and anxiety that college could bring, but because he’d felt close to the person writing the notes, like in a weird sort of way they’d become his friend. </p><p>“You did?” </p><p>Louis nods. “I felt close to them.” He admits. “And I felt close to you too. I - Harry, I think I should tell you-” </p><p>A loud alarm interrupts Louis’ words, and Harry looks apologetic as he digs his phone from his pocket. “I have class. I should go.” He says softly, and Louis wants to tell him no, wants to tell him that he might not have the courage to tell him once the conversation’s over. “Sorry. We’ll talk later, yeah?” Harry promises. “I’ll text you.”</p><p>*</p><p>Harry does not text him.</p><p>Louis figured he would, because he didn’t think they’d left things off on that bad a note the day before. They’d talked, Harry had forgiven him, and the only reason he’d left in a hurry was because of class. But when he wakes up on Tuesday morning and his phone only shows texts from his mum and from Zayn (a late reply, but that had been the standard even before he’d started dating Liam) he can’t help but feel a little worried that maybe things hadn’t been as good as he’d expected.</p><p>Of course, there’s the chance that Harry had just forgotten. Which isn’t ideal, because no one likes to be forgotten about by the person they have a crush on, but Louis knows that Harry is just as busy as him, and he doesn’t think that it’s necessary to stay in constant contact in order to have a valuable relationship with someone.</p><p>He <em>wants</em> to stay in constant contact with Harry, but that’s just because he’s in that phase where everything about Harry is a wonderful new discovery, something to marvel at and cherish. He knows that this phase will fade, that he’ll get to a point where he isn’t blind to Harry’s flaws, because of course there are some, even if Louis hasn’t seen it yet. And in some ways he’s looking forward to that part even more so than the phase he’s in now. </p><p>If Harry hasn’t forgotten though - well, Louis doesn’t really want to think about that. </p><p>At least he’ll see him in group tomorrow, no matter what.</p><p>*</p><p>He’s on his way to his second class of the day when he realizes that the route he is used to taking leads him past the bulletin board. He realizes that only when he is in front of said bulletin board, and after a moment’s hesitation he steps forward, eager to get some clue about where Harry’s head had been at last night or this morning.</p><p>It’s a challenge as always, a fun little <em>Where’s Wally</em> version played with sticky notes, that always gives him a rush of adrenaline when he spots it.</p><p>The note is red, the beautifully calligraphed quote surrounded by a stylish heart.</p><p>
  <em>Find someone who makes you more you</em>
</p><p>There’s something scribbled underneath it, and Louis’ heart pounds when he steps forward, squints to read the tiny lettering.</p><p>
  <em>Louis, will you be my date to the charity afterball?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>P.s. you can take this note, I left another one for whoever needs it. </em>
</p><p>Louis feels this rush of fondness, digs out his phone from his pocket immediately, sending Harry a text.</p><p>
  <em>Louis: yes!!!! I’d love to :)</em>
</p><p>He looks back at the board then, snatching up the sticky note and pocketing it before checking the rest of the board, finding a mint green note with another one of Harry’s wonderful quotes.</p><p><em>Changes bring opportunity</em>.</p><p>He chuckles, his heart skipping a beat because they certainly do, and also, he cares for Harry so much. Harry, who spends his time selecting beautiful inspirational words just to bring a little bit of happiness to the world. Of course Louis never stood a chance, how could he not fall for someone that amazing? And this amazing, wonderful, kind boy <em>just asked him on a date</em>.</p><p>
  <em>Louis: saw your other note too. Lovely as always H. Though I do wonder, what would you have done if I had seen that one first and left because I didn’t think there was anything else waiting for me? </em>
</p><p>He brings up the collar on his jacket to shield him from the wind, though there’s no amount of bad weather that could hope to be a match for the warmth he feels spreading through his body at the prospect of going on a date with Harry.</p><p>It doesn’t take long for Harry to reply, though Louis only sees it when he’s sat down in class, ready for the lecture to begin.</p><p>
  <em>Harry: I’d have figured something out :) </em>
</p><p>*</p><p>He spends the rest of his day sort of in a daze, because he suddenly lives in a universe where Harry Styles asked him out, and he’s not quite sure why the entire world hasn’t just shifted on its axis when it feels like it did for him. He admires the way that Harry had just gone for it, when they’ve never even talked about having an interest in each other, but then, Louis supposes that his lead up (that had been interrupted by Harry’s alarm) had been less than subtle.</p><p>The thought that Harry might have been reluctant to ask him out because he hadn’t been able to forget about the way that Louis had dismissed his little notes crosses his mind, and for a brief moment he wonders if Harry asking him out like that was like calling his bluff, testing whether or not Louis really went and checked the board every day. But he’d seen the notes. He’d known that, and Louis knows that Harry isn’t like that. He’s lovely and trusting and Louis wishes that he’d be able to see him already, because he just wants to wrap him up in the biggest hug.</p><p>Maybe also kiss him a little.</p><p>When he returns to his dorm from his classes, there’s a little red sticky note pinned on the notice board on his door, one that has Louis’ heart thundering in his ears from the moment he spots it in the distance. He hurries towards it, smile already on his face, and it only brightens when he gets close enough to read the text.</p><p>
  <em>Thank you for reminding me what butterflies feel like</em>
</p><p>“This is what I would’ve done,” Harry says from behind him, and Louis nearly jumps, a hand pressed against his heart as he whirls around. </p><p>“Jesus, Harry, you just about scared the living daylights out of me.” He huffs, but he can’t stop smiling, because Harry’s here, and Harry looks lovely, in those kinds of clothes that don’t work on anyone else but him. Louis likes him <em>so much</em>. </p><p>“Always so dramatic,” Harry sighs, but he’s smiling too, looking as though he wants to reach out to Louis, test the waters.</p><p>Louis rolls his eyes, unable to even keep his eyes off of Harry’s face. “I’m a drama student, honestly, H, it’s your fault if you expected anything less.” He finds himself gravitating towards him, the movement so natural that he doesn’t pause until he’s wrapped Harry up in a light hug, feels those warm hands press against the small of his back. “Hi.”</p><p>Harry chuckles, and Louis can’t help the slow shiver that rolls down his spine at the feeling of his breath ghosting over his skin. “Hi,” he says, and how is it that he can sound so confident and shy at the same time? Because the Harry that’s asked him out and waited here for him is full of confidence, but the one that’s holding onto him seems shy and not at all convinced that Louis is returning his feelings.</p><p>Which he is. Enthusiastically at that. He hopes it shows in the way that he holds him, his arms around his neck and his fingers carding through the loose curls at the back of Harry’s neck. “You alright?” He whispers, and Harry nods, thumb brushing over Louis’ back in such a way that he swears he can feel it straight through to his core. </p><p>“Nervous,” he murmurs, and Louis thinks his heart might explode with just how fond of him he is. </p><p>“Don’t be,” he whispers back, wanting to pull back and look at him but never wanting to leave his arms at the same time. “I’m so fucking happy you asked me out. And the way you did it-”</p><p>“Dorky?” Harry suggests, but Louis can tell that he’s just teasing.</p><p>“Perfect,” he replies, because he would love to tease him back but right now it’s more important to be honest. To let Harry, who in some ways is just as insecure and anxious as Louis is, know that this means something.</p><p>Could potentially mean <em>everything</em>.</p><p>Harry hums, then pulls back, only enough to lock eyes with him. “Hey. Are you busy right now?”</p><p>Louis thinks of the mountains of laundry that he has yet to do, now that he’s all but finished his coursework for the semester. He thinks of how he promised to phone his mum, and how he really needs to clean up his side of the room. “No, why?”</p><p>Harry grins, something sheepish but so happy that it takes Louis’ breath away. “I really don’t want to wait until Saturday for our first date. Let’s go somewhere now. Get coffee.”</p><p>Louis looks down at himself, at the faded trackies he’s wearing, and the old grey sweater that used to be black, and also might have at one point belonged to Liam. He then looks back up at Harry, who despite that looks at him as though he’s the most beautiful man he’s ever seen. </p><p>(He can dress to impress on Saturday, he reasons. Maybe wear that new turtleneck he’d bought. There’s time. There’s chances.)</p><p>“Alright.”</p><p>*</p><p>His Sophomore year hadn’t been at all like he’d expected. The first semester had been nothing like he’d hoped it to be.</p><p>The second far surpasses any expectation. </p><p>They go to the charity event, and Harry can barely keep his eyes off of him now that he’s dressed smart, the black turtleneck that Louis had thought of wearing a little too hot but it’s worth it for the way Harry keeps looking at him.</p><p>Keeps touching him.</p><p>Exactly no one in the entire group is surprised, but everyone is happy for them, teases them about their obvious crushes on each other, and Louis takes it in stride because for once there’s nothing in his life that he would change.</p><p>Months later Harry still leaves notes on the bulletin board every day, but now he sits in Louis’ room and they come up with new notes together. Louis also comes up with the idea of leaving them in other places, and together they set out to make the campus a more beautiful place, one note at a time.</p><p>It’s <em>your only limit is you</em> in the boys' bathroom, in Louis’ handwriting.</p><p>It’s <em>it’s okay to be a glowstick, sometimes we need to break before we shine</em>, which Louis had rolled his eyes at (but also tackled Harry to the bed for, because it’s so corny and he <em>loves</em> him) in the girls’ kitchen. </p><p>It’s <em>you didn’t come this far to only come this far</em> on Aiden’s door after he’s had a really hard week.</p><p>But more than that, it’s the notes that Harry leaves in Louis’ room, now that he has a key. It’s <em>love grows here,</em> on his pillow, and <em>my favorite place in all the world is next to you</em> on his mirror. It’s little encouraging notes that are just for him, because even with Harry by his side and the LGBT group to distract him, even with Zayn and Liam moving out of the honeymoon phase and spending more time with him, there’s still moments where it all gets too much. But his journal grows, and his love for Harry grows, and Louis finds that maybe he doesn’t want to just teach drama after all. Maybe he wants to inspire, the way Harry had inspired him.</p><p>Because Harry was right, with the note he’d left Louis the other day.</p><p>
  <em>Every love story is beautiful, but ours is my favorite.</em>
</p><p>-fin-</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>If you liked this fic, please give it a kudo or a comment or come talk to me about it on my <a href="https://so-why-let-your-voice-be-tamed.tumblr.com/">Tumblr</a>.<br/>Please also consider reblogging the <a href="https://so-why-let-your-voice-be-tamed.tumblr.com/post/625444829397204992/if-youre-lost-just-look-for-me-larry-9k-t">fic post</a>, and reading the other works in this collection!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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